I come from a country that is economically oppressed, a country where speaking against the government could cost one his or her life. There is no established government. “Survival of the fittest” is the regulation that we live by. There is no law enforcement, no government to complain to, and no police to call to one’s rescue when one is being robbed or attacked.

The average Haitian only completes high school if he or she is fortunate. There exist circumstances in which a student has to leave school to work to care for their family even though work opportunities are insufficient. Times get harder and more unbearable as days go by. People get killed for no fixed reason, food becomes limited, and more and more children are getting ill.

My family consisted of eight people, all living on the second floor of a three-story house that included only two bedrooms. My sister and I slept in the same bed and in the same bedroom as my mother and two aunts. Paying the rent was difficult, for no one in the family was employed.

My grandmother left for the United States in 1988 when I was two years old. Since her arrival in America, she has stayed at someone’s house. She was not yet familiar with the language, so it was difficult for her to find a job. She worked as a seamstress at home where she would make dresses for people and get paid, but that was not enough to establish her goal, which was to get her family here in America. Later, she worked as a housekeeper for five years; however, that job was also not sufficient. Knowing that she had children and grandchildren back in her native country, my grandma was determined to do everything in her power to take us out of our misery and bring us here to the land of opportunity.

Although my grandmother was going through harsh and difficult times, like finding transportation for work back and forth in the terrible weather, not being able to communicate with others, or being kicked out, she never forgot about us in Haiti. She would pay our house rent and send money for our schooling and for food. Also she filed for citizenship on our account, so it could be a quicker process of coming to the United States. After seven long years we were able to come to the U.S. November 28, 1995 was such an emotional and joyous day for the entire Joseph family.

There is nothing more that I want in this world than to thank my grandmother and truly show her how important she is to me. She is an exceptional, strong, and independent woman. As of now I am doing my best to attend a four-year college. My love for the community has influenced my career choice. I have resolved in my heart that no matter what I do I must be capable of providing assistance for others. Caring for others has always been my passion and going into a medical field or health profession is what I am striving for. The best way I see fit to give back to a community that has given so much to me is by becoming a nurse practitioner. Hopefully, I will be my grandmother’s first grandchild to successfully graduate college. Being able to accomplish all my scholastic goals, I believe, I will not only honor my
grandmother but also show her my appreciation for all the hard work she has done for me.

Things to Notice About This Essay

1.  This writer gives the reader a strong opening sentence that makes us want to keep reading.

2.  The essay describes the author’s family but from this the reader can derive a sense of the author’s own determination and personality.

3.  The essay is well organized, based on the chronology of her grandmother’s story, and makes a clear connection between the events of the author’s life and her future plans.

4.  The essay is quite long; careful editing might keep the important parts and tell the story in fewer words.

5.  We learn about the grandmother but it is not the grandmother’s generosity, commitment, or love that matter; the reader wants to know more about the author of this essay herself.  How did she come to the United States?  When did she learn English?  How does she live now?

6.  What evidence proves that the grandmother’s actions have shaped the author’s life?  You can’t borrow someone else’s suffering.  All essays need proof for the claim; the author’s own past (not planned future) actions are the missing pieces in this narration.