Your background, experiences, and values will enhance the diversity of Kellogg's student body. How?

During my senior year in college, my father was diagnosed with terminal skin cancer. Like most cancer patients, he spent the majority of his time in the hospital; he often spoke of how nice the staff was, and how much his stay was enriched by the services offered by the volunteers. I felt a great debt to those people who helped my father and mother during that difficult time, and I wanted to do the same for other people in similar situations.

When I moved to New York after graduation, I decided to volunteer at the Sloan-Kettering Memorial Hospital until I found a job. Over the next few months, I worked thirty hours a week helping patients and their families. One of the most rewarding experiences at the hospital was organizing patient voting for the 1992 Presidential election. I was responsible for coordinating the procurement and distribution of absentee ballots with nurses, patients, hospital staff, and the various voting administrations within the five boroughs of New York City.

The response was overwhelming. The patients were overjoyed to be included in the voting process. I knew from my father that the most demoralizing circumstance of a prolonged hospital stay was the feeling that the world was passing you by. On that November day, however, I was able to help those patients feel like part of society again. I will always be grateful for that.

Once I found a job, I had to curtail my hours at the hospital, but I did not stop my volunteer work. And although my job prohibits me from volunteering as much as I'd like, I still try to find the time. My volunteer work has allowed me to help others cope with the terrible pain of illness, which I have experienced first-hand and through my family. The satisfaction that I gain when I help patients and their families is unlike any other feeling I have ever had in my life.

I've found that my work also helps me to deal with and accept the loss of my own father. If it were not for him, I never would have started volunteering. The good work I do is a constant tribute to his memory.

As an individual, I have learned the benefits of altruism, and I firmly believe that companies should also take an active role in philanthropy. I was pleased to see in the admissions brochure that other Kellogg students feel the same, as demonstrated by their Business with a Heart program. I know that my unique perspective and experiences would contribute to this group, and enable me to enrich the lives of the community as well as those of my fellow students.

點評：

［命題要求：你的背景，經驗，和價值怎樣提高Kellogg學生的多樣性？］

文章第一段，以父親被診斷出皮膚癌晚期開門見山，引出了聽父親說醫(yī)院的員工和志愿者如何NICE，導致作者反省出自己的不足，并希望做些幫助身處困難人們的想法。優(yōu)點：讓讀者明白這是一個真實的故事，而且展現(xiàn)出作者的價值觀：反省并付諸行動，最終吸引讀者繼續(xù)關注自己的成長。

第二段開始，作者就展現(xiàn)出了一種言必行的態(tài)度：工作不著急找，先當志愿者。并且，是全身心投入到了志愿者工作中去“每周工作30小時”通過92年總統(tǒng)選舉的事例，作者希望讓讀者更能體會到這份志愿者工作的投入度。

第三段是事例的高潮，讓讀者看到：作者不僅是在做義工，不僅是協(xié)助選舉投票的工作，更是用持續(xù)的愛心讓醫(yī)院的患者恢復社會感。相當出彩！作者的觀察視角和行為動機讓人眼前一亮。“讓患者恢復自信走回社會，大家都是快樂的”。

第四段是文章的升華段，之前一段是做了別人做不到事，這一段是通過做的事，感受到了別人感受不到的境界。雖然后來沒太多時間做志愿者了，但是之前的經歷讓作者學會了什么叫付出與回報，什么叫真正的愛心！

第五段是作者的反省，自己是如何學會感恩的。

文章的最后一段，作者自我總結：升華到利他主義和慈善事業(yè)，進而對應題目——帶來diversity，與Kellogg共享。從內容上來說，作者采取是層層深入的方式闡述故事。471個字，符合篇幅要求。文章合理扣題，表達清晰，結構明了。是一篇比較好的文書。