［What one person has had the most significant influence on your life?］

Throughout my life, I have had to face few outward travails. On the surface, everything comes easy to me. I have never gone hungry or had any physical challenges. And yet, I have had to overcome many inner obstacles over the years. I have a strong sense of purpose and a morality which binds me rigidly. But, at the same time, I admit that I was born a coward. It has taken years of effort and endurance, goaded by my sense of right and wrong, for me to reach where I am today. And over the years, there have been times where my future character was decided in a conflict between fear and morality.

When I was ten, I was on a swim team which included an eighteen-year-old boy with Down's Syndrome. Because of his slurred speech and other physical handicaps, he was never really an accepted member of the team. At first, his size and physical traits made me afraid of him. But I spoke with my father, and he explained the other boy's problem. It was then I decided to befriend the boy. With time, we became good friends. Surprisingly enough, I found myself in the position of the older boy: putting up with his "childish" antics, tying his shoelaces, and teaching him games.

Half a year went by and we were eventually moved up to the next level, practice times were changed. Unfortunately, on the very first day, there was trouble. The older boys (aged twelve to fifteen) began to make fun of my friend. Although he was physically stronger than the others, my peaceful friend did not know how to deal with the verbal abuse. I was upset but I was also afraid of the older boys. But then, the mocking became physical and my anger overcame my fear. In a heat of rage belying my ten years and frail body, I jumped onto a bench, yelling back. Moments later, I found myself in a hopeless fight against an older boy.

The fight would seal any hopes I had of making myself accepted. Nevertheless, thinking back, the incident still brings tears to my eyes. For a split moment, when he rushed in to save me, I looked into my friend's eyes. And within, I saw something which cannot be fully described in words. It was neither outright gratitude nor a mocking "You shouldn't have done that." But for the first time, I truly understood exactly what he wanted to say.

點(diǎn)評

結(jié)構(gòu)：

文章采用了回憶式的故事結(jié)構(gòu), 作者描述了其一生很順利，沒有經(jīng)歷過大苦大難。在10歲的時(shí)候，遇到了一個(gè)被人排擠的患抑郁癥的小男孩，最終通過自己的努力與他做了朋友。文章在選材上還不錯(cuò)，但是整篇文章在字?jǐn)?shù)上不夠長，所以在內(nèi)容上顯得有點(diǎn)空乏。在許多地方并沒有描述的很清晰，整篇文章給人感覺不知道作者真正想表現(xiàn)出什么。

分析：

這樣題材的文章，作者應(yīng)該更多的描述一下自己是如何月和這個(gè)患抑郁癥的男孩成為好朋友的。因?yàn)樵谶@個(gè)過程中，可以體現(xiàn)出作者善良、助人為樂、寬容、善于溝通交流的性格特點(diǎn)。而這些正是商學(xué)院對學(xué)生軟硬件條件以外的比較看中的東西。而作者是把整個(gè)過程像講故事一樣的表述出來，卻沒有做更多更深的描寫分析，應(yīng)該更多一些結(jié)論性的東西。

可借鑒要素：

商學(xué)院除了要考察申請者的成績是否符合之外，還想知道他們招收的學(xué)生是否能夠維持有意義的人際關(guān)系，是否能與他人合作，不僅要能在課堂上學(xué)習(xí)，還要能通過課外的生活經(jīng)歷學(xué)習(xí)。所以商學(xué)院通常以這種問題來考察申請者的性格、價(jià)值以及交際能力，我們所寫的每一樣?xùn)|西都要以行為和境遇對你造成的影響作為中心。在這種情況下，你必須把另外一個(gè)人作為你的陪襯－此人應(yīng)能很好地反映出你的興趣、價(jià)值、成就以及你的人生目標(biāo)。

譯文：

命題要求：一生中對你影響最大的人。

在我的一生中很少需要去面對一些外在的痛苦。表面上看來，我的一切都很順利。我從來沒有挨餓或者面對任何生理上的挑戰(zhàn)。但是，多年來我一直不得不克服一些內(nèi)心的障礙。我有一種強(qiáng)烈的欲望但是道德又將我緊緊地捆住。但是同時(shí)我不得不承認(rèn)我是一個(gè)天生的懦夫。就對與錯(cuò)的判斷我已經(jīng)煎熬數(shù)年，才到今天的我。幾年當(dāng)中，恐懼與道德的沖突下，形成了我未來的性格。

十歲的時(shí)候我參加了一個(gè)游泳隊(duì)，隊(duì)里有一個(gè)18歲的男孩，他患有抑郁癥，由于他平時(shí)說話含糊不清以及一些生理上的缺陷，他從來沒有真正的被團(tuán)隊(duì)里的成員所接受。開始時(shí)，他的塊頭讓我感到害怕。我告訴了爸爸，爸爸給我解釋了其他男孩的問題。從那時(shí)起我發(fā)現(xiàn)我期待了他之前的位置就決定要和這個(gè)男孩保持友好。經(jīng)過一段時(shí)間我們成為了好朋友。神奇的是，我發(fā)現(xiàn)我期待了他之前的位置：翻出一些他小時(shí)候的滑稽的事來嘲笑他，系上他的鞋帶，教他做游戲。

半年過去了。我們也都到了另外的一個(gè)級別，練習(xí)階段結(jié)束了。但是就在新階段的第一天就出現(xiàn)了麻煩。那些大一的男孩們（大概在12--15歲之間）開始嘲笑我的朋友。雖然我的朋友在塊頭上比他們大，但是遇上這種情況他卻不知道怎么處理。我很生氣，但是我也害怕那些大男孩。最后，嘲弄變得粗野，我的憤怒也壓過了我的恐懼。復(fù)仇的欲火在我瘦小的身體里燃燒。我不顧一切的沖到他們當(dāng)中，但是一會兒我就發(fā)現(xiàn)我陷入了一場與一個(gè)大男孩沒有希望的戰(zhàn)斗中。

這場斗爭某種程度上是因?yàn)槲蚁氲玫轿遗笥训目隙āｋm然回想起來我還是禁不住有些 感動，他瞬間沖過去保護(hù)我，我看著他的眼睛，看到了一些無法用言語形容的東西。不完全是感恩或者責(zé)備“你不該那么做”。但是，第一次，我真正明白了他想要說什么。