Kibbutz. I liked that word as a child because the sounds of its letters were fun to hear and pronounce. I used the word frequently, because I grew up in Israel, where the kibbutz lifestyle is common. I was grateful for my good upbringing and for the admirable values that were instilled in me, but I was also ambitious and determined to have a career -- even though I was not encouraged to place any importance on that decision. As kibbutz children matured and started families of their own, the adults assumed that they would settle down as members of the community and work in one of its various branches, such as agriculture or community service. With or without encouragement, I always knew that I wanted a different lifestyle for myself, so I intended to earn a degree in higher education and work successfully in that rewarding profession.

A degree in education seemed important because throughout my life, I have spent much time helping others, and I wanted a profession that would incorporate caring and compassion as integral components of my work. Helping people consistently led to fulfillment as I served people in many different ways. In the eighth grade I volunteered as a surrogate granddaughter of an elderly woman who lived alone. Twice a week I would visit her in the afternoon, and we would chat while drinking cups of tea on her front porch. When her hand shook, I would hold the cup for her and appreciate the warmth of her kind expressions of gratitude. As a teenager, I would listen as many of my friends came to me for advice on personal issues. I would offer them an objective viewpoint and help them put things in perspective. These satisfying and meaningful experiences were instrumental as I considered various careers.

When I graduated from high school, I still had not chosen my profession and was not as enthusiastic about classroom teaching as I had been previously. At that time, I was more concerned with my mandatory two-year service in the Israeli army and how I could turn military service into a meaningful and rewarding experience. Reflecting on my experiences as a drill sergeant, I recall the countless challenges I overcame on a day-to-day basis. One of my most profound experiences occurred when I prevented one of my new recruits, Limor, from committing suicide. She was grieving because her fiancé had just been killed in a terrible car accident. Limor and I spent many hours talking about her feelings and her future. Even though I had no formal training in handling this type of situation, I somehow found the right words, and she went on to complete the rest of her military service successfully. Through this and many other experiences, I discovered my talents for leading and motivating others and became even more determined to work with people for the rest of my life.

Still, it took me some time to complete the turns of my career kaleidoscope. After graduating from college in the United States, I accepted a position at Paychex and found myself working in recruitment within the corporate Human Resources Department. The field of human resources was new to me, and I was fascinated and challenged by my assignments. I worked in employee development as a trainer for one hundred sales department employees. This work developed my passion for helping others achieve their true potential and showed me the great need for companies to encourage their employees' career development by providing the proper training. My own lack of direction and guidance in choosing my profession reinforced my interest in studying career development.

To explore my options and solidify my choice, I audited two graduate-level courses at Rochester Institute of Technology (RIT) and found the course work quite stimulating and rewarding. The vast range of courses and invaluable resources offered by the Human Resource Development Program will allow me to develop a wide perspective of the field. The staff, faculty and other students have been friendly and supportive, indicating to me that this environment will promote my successful education and future career. I want to earn my master's degree at RIT because its human resources program will provide me with the educational foundation that I need to reach my personal and professional goals.

點評：

本文按照時間順序，講述了作者從小到大與申請專業相關的經歷。文章講述了作者小時候受到成長環境的影響，對人力資源方面感興趣這個點開始描寫。描述了她從上學到當兵到去美國從事人力資源工作的過程，其中描述了她的興趣產生，感興趣后的學習和利用自己的潛力進行的一些實際活動經歷。整篇文章字數不多，但是思路清晰，結構合理，寫的很生動，使閱讀者可以很好的了解她曾經的經歷和她對目標的追求過程，在介紹自己成長經歷和興趣產生方面描述的很好。但是PS中只體現出興趣產生，追求過程是不夠的，PS中還應該描述自己對專業的認識，并且應該通過一兩件事情的描述，來體現和證明出她自己所說的能力，畢竟能力才識最關鍵的。

作者曾經在當兵的時候成功的說服自己的戰友，使她放棄的自殺的想法。雖然這表面看起來跟申請專業有些不相關，但實際是有相關性的。她在這里所扮演的角色就是一個談判專家，需要作者遇事冷靜，反映機敏，而且要有很好的觀察力。在勸阻對方的時候，也要掌握好技巧。因此，這些都是可以通過細節描寫來體現出作者潛力的，而不是像作者一樣只是簡單的說自己有領導和激發他人的潛力，而沒有證明。另外，作者背景中，最重要也是跟申請專業直接相關的經歷就是她的工作，但是在這里作者依然是簡單掠過，把自己最相關最直接的背景描述給忽略了，錯過了介紹自己專業背景的機會。使整篇文章除了介紹自己興趣和成長經歷外，缺少了PS中最重要的專業能力體現部分。因此，整篇文章猛看寫的很不錯，但實際上是缺少了非常核心的東西，是此文章中不足的地方。

譯文：

當我還是一個孩子的時候，我就喜歡“以色列的集體農場”這個字眼，因為他的字母的發音聽起來很有意思。我頻繁的使用這個單詞，因為我是在這里長大的，這里的生活方式很普通。我得到的無數絕美的評價都要歸功于我良好的教養，我無比的感激。即使如此，我的雄心促使我仍要繼續堅定的在這條道路上不斷的進步，雖然在決定中我沒有被放在一個有利的位置。當一個孩子長大了開始組建自己的家庭的時候，他們會平靜的作為這個團體的一員工作在不同的各個部門，比如農業或者感化工作。無論是否受到鼓勵，我知道如果我想要不同的生活方式，為了成為專業的人才，為了在事業上取得成功我想要接受更高的教育。

一個高學歷是很重要的因為他貫穿著我的生活，我用很多時間去幫助需要幫助的人，我想成為一個專業的人才。用我的同情心和憐憫心通過不同的方式去幫助其他的人。在我八年級的時候我成績自愿幫助一位孤寡老人。每周我會陪她喝兩次下午茶聊天。當她的雙手開始顫抖的時候，我會幫助她拿著茶杯喝茶。我能感覺到她對我的感激之情。做為一個青年人，我的朋友經常會像我詢問各種不同的見解。我會根據他們目標的不同提出正確的意見。我從這些經驗中感到滿足，而且這些經驗對我來說也是非常有意義的。

我高中畢業的時候，我還是像以前一樣既不熱衷于學習也沒有選擇我的職業。那時在以色列我參加了為期兩年的服兵役，這段經歷對我來說是非常有意思的。回想起我當兵的那段經歷，我受到了無數次的挑戰，但是我挺了過來。當中最讓我值得驕傲的經歷就是一個新兵Limor 她企圖自殺。她非常的傷心難過，因為她的未婚夫在一次嚴重的車禍中不幸的去世了。我花了很多的時間陪她聊天聊她的未來。雖然我從來沒有受過這方面的訓練，我不知何故說服了她，使她成功地完成了她的兵役。通過這個和其他的經驗，我發現了我的才能在于領導和激發他人，這堅定了我以后的生活目標。

盡管如此，我也花費了一些時間來完成了對于我人生目標的轉變。當我從美國畢業以后，我進入了Paychex 公司的人力資源管理部分，這對我來說是個新的領域，他使我非常著迷，對我充滿了挑戰。我在員工的培訓部分，負責培訓上百名雇員。這個工作激發了我的能力幫助其他人發掘他們的潛能，用適當的正確地培訓方法鼓勵他們實現他們的職業目標，為公司提供更多的幫助。但是在職業培訓這個專業領域上我缺乏正確地專業的學習指導。

為了探究和鞏固我的選擇，我旁聽了兩個研究生課程在Rochester理工大學，我發現課程論文非常有意思和值得我學習。大量的課程和人力資源學院提供的無法估量的資源價值，為我在這一領域提供了寬闊的眼界。這里的服務人員，教授還有其他的同學他們都對我非常地友好和支持，幫助我給我指示，這里的環境將會為我將來在學業上和未來的目標提供很多的幫助。我想在RIT進行我的研究生學習，因為人力資源管理這個項目將對我的教育和未來人生和職業目標提供廣闊的平臺和幫助。