Often I lie awake in my bed at night, not moving, too exhausted even to read. The ceiling fan turns slowly overhead, the sheets are smooth and comfortable, and the house lies in the quiet stillness of night, yet I do not sleep. For hours, I am lost in contemplation, my mind incessantly weaving threads of thought together in strange patterns. I silently drift in the darkness through a landscape of intangible ideas, groping for meaning behind the shadow of existence. What is it to be? I have spent years with this question, privately turning it over, searching for its nature, for the form of its answer. I have truly been haunted by Being.

Thus philosophy for me was at first a personal matter, a dream that forced its way into my head during the night. The thoughts arose as from a vacuum, unprovoked, and persisted in their senseless hold over my mind. Yet slowly I learned that others had faced these same questions, that they had spent their lives searching for the answers, and that, most importantly, they had left a written record of their search for meaning. Great minds throughout history had left a legacy which I could follow, turning my insoluble reflections into a legitimate, potentially lifelong exploration. As time permitted, I studied philosophy, reading whatever I could find, and my quest for the nature of Being took on a more tangible presence.

Last year I joined the Humanities Forum, a program in which philosophy professors from Emory University and other Atlanta area colleges offer informal courses on a variety of themes. The classes permitted me to make a more systematic and rewarding study than my private readings allowed. Each class meets for two hours once a week, and is composed of undergraduate students, graduate students, and professionals from virtually every field. I am the youngest participant. I began the program with a twelve-week course called "Our Civilization, " with primary readings from Alexis de Tocqueville, Adam Smith, and Friedrich Nietzsche, in which we evaluated what modern culture has lost in comparison to ancient Greek and medieval value systems and social structures. Later, in "Plato vs. Descartes: Ancient and Modern Philosophy, " we explored the distinctive natures of the two philosophical eras by examining the thought of an influential thinker from each period. I am currently enrolled in "Heidegger, Metaphysics, and Nihilism." We are examining Heidegger's thesis that nihilism is the culmination of Western metaphysics by reading and discussing a variety of his works. Heidegger is the most profound thinker I have encountered; I often find myself forced to reread passages to grasp the meaning hidden within. In Heidegger, I have found the closest approach to the truth of Being, the truth I still contemplate alone at night.

Occasionally I come upon a familiar concept in my philosophical reading, one which I recognize as my own. To see my private musings, which seemed only ephemeral and abstract, expressed in the writings of a great thinker excites me to pure exhilaration. That this elusive creature Being has haunted others gives me hope; I now look forward to the setting of the sun and the sleepless night ahead.

點評：

這篇申請哲學課程的文章，如果換成申請其他科學課程，比如數學或是傳媒，那么就是很普通的構思和結構：對某學科感興趣，自己進行私下主動的學習，然后參加了科學或廣泛論題的課程，水平得到科學系統化的提高，最后發現自己的進步，決心更進一步學習或是奉獻給這一學科。而能體現水平與否，就看自身掌握技能高低了。

但是，就因為本文申請的是哲學，不會有扎扎實實的技術展示，因此對思想的轉變和認知深度展示就成了重點；因此，申請人致力于展示一個追逐哲學終極命題，在思想上不斷接近先輩，追隨前人腳步的同時有自己的看法的形象。結構的簡單安排沒有減輕表達效果，反而更能凸顯申請人樸實動人的學術熱情。精致的開頭引人入勝，整篇文章語言流暢，表意充分；雖然在哲學研究上申請人并不能展示過于深刻的專業研究，但是他成功的讓錄取委員會為其情其語感染，認識到他獨有的思考和學術潛力。再次證明了文科、社會學科申請文書的一大要點：做了什么并不重要，重要的是清晰的想法和坦誠的專業熱情。

譯文：

斯坦福和阿姆赫斯特

我時常在夜半時分醒來，躺在床上一動不動，累得連書也不想讀。天花板上的電扇緩慢地轉動著，片片扇頁劃出輕盈的弧線，整個房間沉浸在靜夜里，然而我睡不著。幾個小時以來，我陷在沉思里，試圖編織著思緒的絲線，編成種種奇怪的式樣。黑暗中神思漂流在無形的意念之景中，試圖抓住“存在”背后的真實?！按嬖凇钡降资鞘裁?，我花了許多年去尋求這各問題的答案，私下反復思考，探尋其本質以求得某種形式的答案。我真的被“存在”迷住了。

因此，對于我來說哲學首先是一個私人問題，是一個我在夜里竭盡所能追尋的夢。那些想法仿佛毫無緣故地就從真空中升起，持續占據著我的頭腦；然而我漸漸認識到，還有其他人也和我一樣面對同樣的問題，窮盡一生來尋求其確實的意義，最重要的，還是留下了許多親筆記錄。偉大的頭腦穿越歷史，留下了我能夠追隨的寶貴遺產，讓我不得所解的隨意思考變成了有跡可循的終生探索。只要有時間，我總會閱讀一切可以找到的書籍來學習哲學，而我對于存在本質的疑問開始有了更切實的成果。

去年的人文論壇中，我參與了來自Emory大學和其他亞特蘭大學校的哲學教授們針對不同主題講授的非正式課程。這些課程使我能進行比私下閱讀更為系統和有助益的哲學學習。每一班級一周碰面兩小時，由本科生、研究生和各個領域的專家組成，我是其中最年輕的一名。我們從一個十二周的課程—“我們的文化”開始，主要閱讀了從Alexis de Tocqueville，亞當.史密斯到佛雷德里克.尼采的各類作品，從中發現現代文化與古希臘和中世紀價值系統及社會結構已經失去了可比性。稍后，在“柏拉圖對笛卡爾：古代與現代哲學”這個課程中，我們考察了這兩位大思想家的理論軌跡，從而探究兩個哲學世紀與眾不同的特點。我現在進行的課程是"黑格爾, 形而上學和虛無主義" 。在閱讀和討論黑格爾多個研究成果的過程中，我們驗證了他關于虛無主義是西方形而上學頂點的論題。黑格爾是我迄今為止遇到的最有實現的思想家，因為我常常禁不住重新閱讀他的作品來捕捉那隱藏在字里行間的真意。在黑格爾身上，我發現了接近“存在”的最近路線，而那正是我在每一個夜晚所追尋的真相。

偶爾在閱讀中我會發現一些熟悉的概念，有一個仿佛就是我曾經自創的。個人的思考似乎短暫又抽象，然而看到它被偉大的思想家表達出來實在讓我欣喜若狂。原來難以捉摸的“存在”也曾這樣使他人著迷，這給了我莫大的希望；現在，我開始盼望太陽落山后的另一個不眠之夜了。