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Chicago本科申請命題Essay——描述你最難忘的一次餐宴

2013年02月21日來源:美國留學(xué)網(wǎng)作者: 萬佳留學(xué)
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[Describe Your Most Memorable Meal ]

To me, there is nothing better than a good "home-cooked" Italian meal. Keeping this in mind, what could be better than eating such a meal in Italy cooked by relatives that you have never seen before in the medieval village of your ancestors. Two summers ago, I attended just such an event, alone!

I remember it like it was yesterday. It was a hot, muggy Mediterranean day. I was sitting on the steps of Santa Croce Square in Florence waiting for my rented driver to arrive. After becoming one with the pavement, my eyes beheld a dark blue Alfa Romeo pull up in front of me. Upon seeing this, I thought to myself, "This is definitely going to be an experience that I will NEVER forget!" After trying to explain where I wanted to go, we were finally on our way to Monticatini where I was to meet some of my relatives for the first time. To get there, we traveled a steady rate of 85 to 110 mph-and I loved it! After aimlessly looking for the street I hoped was called Via [name], we found the house. Standing there was a man I had never seen before, yet I knew he was related. His name was [name] and he spoke no English. Despite this little difficulty, he was to serve as my tour guide for the rest of the day.

As I walked into the house, I can remember what a strange feeling it was to look on the outside wall and see "(name)" so far away from MY home. I swear that I had to of checked the spelling of the name a thousand times before I was really convinced it was the same. Upon entering the house, I was greeted by some of the others that lived there with a traditional Italian style greeting. Among them was [name], ironically an Italian banker, who was now to take over the driving duties to our final destination-Pontito.

It was now down to the four of us: [name], [name], [name] (a friend to help translate, ) and myself who set off by car to the medieval village of my ancestors-Pontito. As we wound up the 8,000 ft of hair-pin curved roads into the mountains, I finally caught sight of the stalwart village. Suddenly, I began to remember when I visited there as a little boy with my parents and brother and how little time I got to spend there. This time, I was determined to enjoy my relatives and the village much more.

After we parked our car and walked into the narrow passageways of the village, [Name] was quick to point out the carved statue of Pontito's founder, my relative. We then proceeded to go to the house where my remaining relatives lived at the present time. At the door, I was greeted by [name], [name], and [name] who, of course, are the relatives who live there. As I walked in, it felt like I was in a time warp. Nothing had changed since I was there as an eight year old boy. It was exactly the same!

After some discussion, we sat down to eat what could very well be the most memorable dinner of my life. At the table, I was joined only by the men of the family. As is accustomed for them, the women, who cooked the meal, were only to serve us as we ate. Before we were served, I asked what in the world the old carved stone ball in the center of the huge wooden table we were eating off of was. To show how old this place is, I was told that it was once used to throw down the mountain at invading villagers who tried to take over Pontito. Do you realize how old that must be?

Finally, as I was looking out of the window into the hazy mountains and valleys below and watched the sun rays bounce off of the stone floor, (electricity was a recent discovery to Pontito, they only had one light bulb, ) dinner was served, and served, and served! Not expecting the eight-course meal I was about to receive, I was already full after the first round of pasta. I sat there and watched my relatives put away food like it was water. After a while, somewhere around the prochuetto or the veal courses, they started to ask me why I was not eating everything. I didn't know what to do. I was so full that I was ready to explode but I couldn't explain this to the crying women who thought I hated her food-so I ate! I ate so much food from then on that I couldn't even look at food for the next two days. I even drank two cups of coffee to make her happy, and I HATE coffee! Don't get me wrong, the food was great, but there was enough to feed twenty people.

Another thing that amazed me was how much wine everyone consumed. Between the five men at the table, the drank eight bottles of homemade red wine and weren't even slightly affected! As for me, I was absolutely thrilled to be drinking water that was taken from the natural mountain spring trough once used by my ancestors many, many years ago. It was such pure, untouched water, (although it is said that one of my American relatives when visiting died two minutes after drinking the water for the first time for no apparent reason!)

Then, after eating more food than I can handle in a week, it was time to go. We said our good-byes and proceeded down the mountain to the car. Although desperately trying to keep my eyes awake, I feel asleep until we returned to Monticatini. There, after [name] took me to the local Ferrari dealership, I went to Monticatini Terme where I took a train back to Florence. On that train, I just sat there and tried to grasp the full concept of what had just happened that day. I thought of how fortunate I was to have been able to visit with relatives and trace my heritage back so far. I thought about the graves that I had seen in Pontito with "(name)" etched into them and what those relatives lives must have been like. Now, after I have long since returned to my home in America, I still think about Pontito and that incredible meal I enjoyed there. As I think about it now, the only way that meal can be topped would be to someday see MY children sitting at that same wooden table and experiencing exactly what I did.
Comments by Admissions Officers who Assisted in the Creation of this Course

The applicant needs to work on the writing style. The admissions officers generally liked the story itself. Below are their specific comments:

The author creates an unintended tension in this essay between what he wants us to know and what he actually tells us. Reflecting upon his visit to Pontito as a child, he writes, "This time, I was determined to enjoy my relatives and the village much more." What a fascinating premise for a personal essay! It offers the opportunity for reflection on how he has grown since childhood, on what it means to commune with family in an utterly foreign environment, on the significance of making this visit alone-all framed within the description of a traditional Italian family dinner. And he drops hints throughout the essay that this is what made the visit and the meal significant: the statue of his ancestor who founded Pontito, the sign with his surname on the entrance to the house, the stone ball on the table, the desire to see his children have the same experience. But he never goes any further. Rather than explaining how and why these icons hold real meaning for him, he essentially writes, "This just blows my mind!" In that respect, they have no more significance in this essay than the Alfa Romeo or zipping through the countryside at 100 m.p.h. or the amount of food everyone ate or how much wine they drank or the fact that he managed to choke down two cups of coffee. In other words, because he makes no real distinctions between those things which hold ancestral and cultural relevance to him and those which are trivial by comparison, everything is reduced to the state of being "cool." Not until the final paragraph do we get the sense that he has grown from this experience. I wish he had started there instead; it could have been a powerful essay.

[Beware of] wearisome transitions: "As I walked, " "After we parked, " "After some discussion, " "As I was looking out, " "After eating more food."

點評:

作者在文中運用了一種無意識的緊張的氣氛的帶領(lǐng)我們?nèi)チ私馑l(fā)生的事。反映出當(dāng)他還是小孩時就參Pontito,他這樣寫到,這時,我更加確定了要去喜愛我的親戚和這個村莊。在個人的文書中這是一種迷人的敘述。它給了一種機會去反映了從他還是小孩子起到他長大時的映像,重要的是體現(xiàn)作者出獨自參觀村莊,外加描述了一次意大利當(dāng)?shù)丶彝サ牟脱纭T趯憛⒂^的過程和對餐宴的重要性時埋下了伏筆:在Pontito發(fā)現(xiàn)了他祖先的雕像,在入口處發(fā)現(xiàn)了他的姓氏,在桌上的石球和那種希望他的孩子也有相同經(jīng)歷的愿望。但是作者沒有寫更深一步的含義,就像這些映像怎樣和為什么對作者有重大意義,他只是寫了,這個沖擊了我的思想。在文中有帶有一些沒有意義的東西,就像阿爾法羅密歐以100m.p.h.快速得穿過城郊,他們總共吃了多少食物喝了多少酒和他設(shè)法咽下兩杯咖啡。換句話說,因為他沒有實際的寫出他的祖先和文化和他的相關(guān)性,以及他們之間的細(xì)小的比較,每件事都?xì)w于“酷”。直到最后一節(jié),我們都沒有感覺到他在這次經(jīng)歷中的成長。把這些不必要得描述都換去的話,這將是一篇好文章。并當(dāng)心乏味的變換,就像"As I walked, " "After we parked, " "After some discussion, " "As I was looking out, " "After eating more food."

譯文:

命題要求:描述你最難忘的一次餐宴。

對于我來說,沒有任何事比享受家庭烹飪意大利餐更好的事了。帶著這種思想,沒有比享受一下在一個從沒去過的古老的,你祖先的村莊并享受由你的親戚做出來得意大利餐更好的事了。2年前,我就參加了像這樣的一個活動,一個人!

我的印象就像是昨天。 那天像是地中海氣候,很熱很悶。我坐在佛羅倫薩的Santa Croce廣場的階梯上等待我的租用司機的到來。之后在一條公路上,我的眼睛被一輛停靠在我身前的黑藍(lán)色的阿爾法羅密歐吸引了。看到這些,我想起了我自己,“這將是一次對我來說難忘的經(jīng)歷”。在我解釋了我要去的地方后,最終我們上了去Monticellite的道路,一個我第一次見我親戚的地方。去那的路上,我們行使在一個穩(wěn)定的,我喜愛的速度85到110時速。在我漫無目的的查找我希望的那個叫?后,終于我們找到了那個屋子。站在那里的男人我從來沒見過,之后我知道他是有關(guān)系的。他叫?他不會說英文。盡管有些困難,他還是在我剩下的日子里當(dāng)我的導(dǎo)游。

當(dāng)我走進屋子,我記得那是一種很陌生的感覺當(dāng)我看到外面的墻上寫著?,一個離我家很遠(yuǎn)的地方,我發(fā)誓那個就是我不得不檢查拼寫1000遍的名字在我真正確信它是相同的之前。在我進入屋子后,我用當(dāng)?shù)匾獯罄降膯柡騿柡蛄嗽谀俏葑拥钠渌恕T谒麄冎杏袀€叫?諷刺的說是一位意大利的銀行家現(xiàn)在接任駕駛的職務(wù)帶我們?nèi)プ罱K的目的地Pontito。

現(xiàn)在只剩下我們4個人:???(一位幫助翻譯的朋友)和我,乘車去我的老式的祖先住的村莊Pontito。 當(dāng)我們激動從8000英尺的發(fā)夾一樣彎曲的道路進入山里,我終于瞥見了那個村莊。突然,我想起當(dāng)我還是個小男孩時就和我的父母,兄弟在這里逗留拜訪了一小會。這時,我更加確定了要去喜愛我的親戚和這個村莊。

在我們停放了我們的車,穿過狹窄的過道走進村莊時,很快的指出了那個Pontito的創(chuàng)始人的雕像,我的親戚。然后我們向那個目前還有我剩余的親戚住的房子出發(fā)。在進門時,我向??和?問好,當(dāng)然那些是住在這里的我的親戚。當(dāng)我走進房間,它給我的感覺像是時間的彎曲。和我八歲時來這里的景象一樣,沒有任何變化。真的是一模一樣。

在我們交談了一會之后,我們坐下享受餐宴,這是一頓非常好得在我一生中最難忘的一餐。在餐桌上,我加入了在這個家庭只有男人享受的待遇。就像他們的習(xí)慣,當(dāng)我們吃飯時由燒飯的人來服務(wù),女人。在我們進餐前,我問起我們吃飯那個巨大木桌中間那古老的石雕球究竟是什么。為了表現(xiàn)這地方有多古老,我被告知這石球曾被用于向山下丟擲試圖入侵Pontito的村民的。你應(yīng)當(dāng)認(rèn)識到了這有多古老了吧?

最后,我留意窗外的朦朧的山脈和下面的山谷,看到太陽的光線反射到石頭的地板上,(電器在Pontito是一項新的發(fā)明,他們只有一電燈泡)正餐被供應(yīng),供應(yīng),再供應(yīng)!我沒有像預(yù)期的那樣接受八道菜,在吃了第一道的意大利面食之后我就飽了。我坐在那里看著我的親戚進餐就像是喝水。一會之后,大約在上prochuetto/小牛肉的時候,他們開始問我為什么我不吃任何東西。我不知道該怎么做。我飽得準(zhǔn)備爆炸了但我不能解釋讓那個女人認(rèn)為我討厭她的食物而哭。之后我吃了很多甚至后2天我都不想看到食物了。我甚至喝了兩杯咖啡使她高興,我討厭咖啡。不要認(rèn)為我不正常,食物非常好,但是那足夠填飽20個人了。

另一件讓我驚奇的是每個人消滅了多少酒。5個人在餐桌上,喝完8瓶自制的紅酒盡然沒有明顯得反映。對我來說,喝那里的水絕對讓我發(fā)抖,要知道那是從很久很久以前我親戚用的天然山泉水槽取出來得水。它是這樣的純,無與倫比的水,(盡管我的一位美國親戚游覽這里時第一次喝這種水,2分鐘后竟然沒有任何明顯的原因死去)。

之后,我吃得食物多過我一個星期吃得,是時候離開了。我們道了別向山下的車走去,盡管我設(shè)法使我的眼睛清醒,在我們返回Monticatini的路上,我感覺睡著了。在我去了那里當(dāng)?shù)氐姆ɡ聿恐螅覐腗onticatini Terme坐上了去佛羅倫薩的火車。在火車上,我坐在那里設(shè)法去回想那天所發(fā)生的完全的概念。我想我是多么幸運我能去拜訪我的親戚和能追溯我很早以前的傳統(tǒng)。我思索著那個在Pontito被風(fēng)化的墓地和那相同的親戚們的生活。現(xiàn)在,自從從那里回到我的美國的家很久以后,我仍然想著Pontito和在那我享受的不可思議的餐宴。當(dāng)我現(xiàn)在想起它時,唯一能結(jié)束那食物的就是有一天我的孩子坐在那相同的木桌上和正確的體驗一下那時我所感受得。

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